Let’s talk about how that all went down. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have already seen my little pregnancy vlog. And I know it looked all nice and sweet but yeah wow, I experienced some really low moments throughout. We’ll start from the very beginning! LET’S GET INTO IT.
I’m assuming we’ve all had that conversation about the birds and bees, so we don’t need to go too far back. I found out I was pregnant on April 16th 2020. This was during the FIRST lockdown when the pasta and toilet paper was getting cleaned out of supermarkets. 🧻 My partner just had a feeling that I should do a pregnancy test, and since I knew what we had been up to 👀 I thought “why not?”. So I did. I was staying at my University accommodation in Cambridge at the time. My partner had gone back home for a little bit, after staying with me for a month during the lockdown, so I did the test by myself.
I sat on the toilet. With my partner on FaceTime. Holding the 2 peed on tests, just waiting for something to happen. And it did. Those second lines slowly crept up on me, almost like they were slowly preparing me. TWO LINES! What the test was telling me and what I was expecting just wasn’t matching up. I was in denial. I told my partner and he sat there, in silence. We didn’t speak much that night, with so much on our minds. We ended the call and I spent the whole night, crying and thinking.
My opinion on abortion was always subject to the situation so, keeping it all the way real, of course, I considered terminating the pregnancy. I was in no position to be responsible for another life, let alone a baby! I didn’t even have a bedroom waiting for me at home, let alone have any money! 💰 I was (and still am) still super dependent on my parents. I didn’t want to create life this way. I wanted to be financially stable. In my house with my husband. After setting up my own business and having travelled the world. ✈️ But I just couldn’t help but feel that my irresponsible behaviour was forcing me to step up and take responsibility for my actions. I just had to keep it. Who was I to reject the life God put inside of me. I knew what I had to do. I was aware that I was making the decision on behalf of myself and my partner, so I was mentally prepared for the single mum life had he been opposed to my decision. 🤷🏾♀️
I’m not going to lie, I was so disappointed in myself. But I knew I had to be bold and intentional moving forward. The next thing on my mind, was how I was going to tell my family. I needed to be 100% sure I was pregnant before letting them know. So I bought another 2 tests the next day, that being 4 in total, and they confirmed the pregnancy. “Okay cool cool cool”. I know how my mum wanted me to start a family, the way she believes is the right way also, so it was more daunting for me to tell her. I phoned her first. Although it was scary, I needed my mum at a time like that so there was no hesitation. “Mummy… I’m pregnant” “Well… Congratulations. I hope you and your partner have a plan. Wish you all the best” That was her reaction. HUH? I remember feeling so uneasy. Like, what? That reaction was way worse than her exploding on me. My dad’s reaction was a bit more logical, “Okay. Well you know, this is what happens when you have sex.”
Those first few weeks were hard. I didn’t have my family with me just yet. I was still in Cambridge finishing my final year of uni, so unbeknownst to me the conversations at home revolved around the news. My sister would phone me to keep me somewhat informed of what was happening. Everyone was upset so naturally they felt distant. Of course, I understood why but it didn’t stop it from being crushing. They still needed time to digest the news. Without getting into all the extra details, I went through a roller coaster of emotions during the early stages of pregnancy. My partner was having a hard time accepting our new reality, so I was lacking his support too. I just remember feeling so down, this wasn’t how I wanted it to be. To be carrying life is such a blessing, not a burden, not a punishment.
For about 2 months, I felt that my family, through their disappointment were getting me to understand the severity of how uncomfortable this situation was going to be. “This is going to be hard! Do you know how challenging this this is going to be?”. I eventually got to a point where I just had to tell them to stop. This was my life now. It was important to be thinking positively about what lied ahead. Looking back, it was hard to think positively about my pregnancy and I don’t think I actually got excited about having a baby until a little before my first scan at 12 weeks. The beginning wasn’t easy but boy it really was just the beginning. Eventually my family got on board and really showed out in so many ways, to the point where they planned the most special baby shower, helped with sorting all of bubba’s things and even built me a room in my house (I’ll get into that a couple blogs down the line). The next thing I had to experience, was being pregnant, going through all the many changes my body was going to go through. 😅 I won’t be doing a step by step of my pregnancy because we don’t have the timeeee and also I can barely remember all the details from every month. I’ve got 3 more posts on my pregnancy left, including labour ‼️, then we’ll dive straight into motherhood!
Anyways, until next time,
Signed,
A Young Mum
x
Catch the next post, Friday 12th March.